Why Is He on Facebook but Not Texting Me Back

March 1, 2016 at 8:58 pm #511391 Reply

Samantha

My boyfriend is on twitter retweeting things but he can't text me? He texted me this morning but hasnt texted since, and thats okay because hes at college all day but hes home now. I dont want to be clingy and want a text from him every second of the day but he has his phone in his hand clearly doing things on social media, why cant he send me a text asking how my day was for example? and i hate texting first but im afraid if i dont he'll think i dont want to talk to him.

this whole texting in a relationship thing is so frustrating and worrisome im going crazy over it.

March 1, 2016 at 9:08 pm #511396 Reply

Mila.

Don't overthink it. It takes a lot more effort to start a texting convo with your girl than it does to retweet something. Girls are great at multitasking but men like to put all their attention on what's in front of them. He probably just wants to relax; that doesn't mean you aren't on his mind or that he won't text you soon.

March 1, 2016 at 9:08 pm #511397 Reply

Ashley

Stop looking at his Twitter

March 2, 2016 at 2:51 pm #511692 Reply

Sun

Really? This is what certain women have stooped down to? Gauging a man's interest/feelings in a relationship by his social media activity vs. texting their SO. Oh my, this is a serious problem. I mean a plague rather. When I'm watching Netflix and I get a text from my BF, I don't respond back right away and yes, I might also peeked at my FB and hit "like" on one of the posts but still did not text my BF back. Does that mean I am not thinking of him or I love him less or disrespecting him blah, blah, blah. Of course not!!! I just haven't thought of something really witty enough to text back and that I'd like to finish my movie and occasionally hit likes on FB. I will text back when I can actually engage in a back and forth.

Maturity, self-esteem, pride, and having a full life with or without a man is what's missing these days. Grow up!

March 2, 2016 at 3:56 pm #511702 Reply

Pamela

March 2, 2016 at 4:12 pm #511708 Reply

Sun

@Pamela – LMAO!!!

March 2, 2016 at 4:27 pm #511713 Reply

Jade

"this whole texting in a relationship thing is so frustrating and worrisome im going crazy over it."

Yes, you are MAKING YOURSELF crazy over it and your boyfriend is going to pick up on it and run fast as hell because even though you claimed to not need to hear from him x,y,z times a day, it sounds like you actually DO need to. It is super clingy and unattractive. Beware.

March 2, 2016 at 9:31 pm #511805 Reply

Lucy

Maybe you should find a BF who spends actual time in person with you…this one seems to find his virtual friends more interesting…not the best pic for the man of your life, is it?

June 18, 2018 at 3:43 pm #708474 Reply

Sapphire

I don't think it's fair to say that she's wrong for being concerned that her partner is not communicating with her to the capacity that she desires. Calling women crazy for having expectations that meet our needs is something that needs to stop. If he was able to text her before, he's still able to do it. If he isn't, he's making a choice not to. What she does with that information is up to her. I hope that if this person does not respond or continues not to meet her needs that she will find something that is more on her wavelength. It feels crappy to be ignored, especially by someone that seemed to like you and have a significant level of interest in you. I hope things work out OP.

June 18, 2018 at 6:54 pm #708521 Reply

Ali

Of course her needs for communication are important! But the things is that needs are met over a series of actions/interactions not "he didn't text me RIGHT WHEN I WANTED HIM TO because he was doing something else" Unless the OP's BF is repeatedly blowing her off and ignoring her and this is part of a bigger pattern of an imbalance in their relationship or something this is totally crazy for her to be this upset over.

Nobody should be obligated to text constantly and nobody is a mind reader. OP if you feel that you aren't getting enough communication OVERALL in this relationship, and not just fixated on this one day, then have a conversation with your boyfriend, but keep it positive. Tell him how great it feels when he reaches out and checks in with you, how much you appreciate him. Don't nag him or criticize.

I have had this done to me by a possessive ex BF (getting pissed at me for being on FB but not texting him back) and it SUCKS. It makes a person feel terrible to be made to feel guilty for something so small. And as another poster said, it is a different energy to think of something to text someone than tweet or whatever. Maybe he's just not in the mood to chat with you RIGHT THIS SECOND. Again, that doesn't mean he doesn't care, unless it's part of a much bigger pattern.

June 29, 2018 at 11:55 am #710341 Reply

Yana

My boyfriend and I are medical students so I understand that sometimes we have no time to properly text each other every single day. we rarely contact each other (usually it will be just once a week) because he is seriously bad at texting and i can see that because when he is studying but texting me at the same time, he will reply me after 1 hour for every text message, but fortunately i can understand his situation. however, there is something i just could not understand until now. sometimes, when he texted me first and i replied him after about half an hour (as i was studying at that time and did not realize his text), he did not reply me back for 2 hours but can be on twitter tweeting about things, instead of replying me. why did he do that? i dont want to ask him about this because i know we ll be arguing about stupid things and i dont want to seem needy or clingy. can you please explain to me why he did that? thank you in advance :)

June 29, 2018 at 12:09 pm #710344 Reply

Ali

Being on social media can be a bit mindless, like watching TV etc, whereas having a text conversation might require more emotional involvement, thinking of things to say, etc. It sort of uses a different kind of energy/part of your brain.

I mean, I know there are times i might be scrolling through instagram instead of answering a text from a friend or BF, maybe I'm just not quite sure what to say back, thinking about it, etc.

Hope that helps. My ex used to get mad at me if he saw me on FB but I hadn't returned a text and it made me feel terrible, like I was being backed into a corner. Not a good feeling….

June 29, 2018 at 12:40 pm #710349 Reply

Yana

thank you so much for the reply, Ali. i really appreciate your reply as i just could not think of any logical reasons behind it all this while. i never ask him about this before and i m glad i did not because as you said, if i get mad at him, he wont feel good about it.

June 29, 2018 at 1:45 pm #710369 Reply

Danna

Isn't this an old post?

August 24, 2018 at 4:26 am #718155 Reply

Ashley

I have the exact same problem. He'll go for hours not texting me back, yet he's constantly on Instagram. It'll be a lot less stressful if they just sent a simple text. These days a lot of guys get distracted with social media. Us girls do worry about if they're secretly speaking to someone else over social media. Girls look at these things, and weigh out all the possible reasons why he hasn't even considered looking at your message. When he's at varsity, i understand that he's busy, he'll get home and a few hours will pass by, and still i wont get a reply. We aren't needy or clingy for wanting to know why they find Social media more interesting than replying to their girlfriends.

August 27, 2018 at 9:05 pm #718478 Reply

Annie

If I were him I would be running for the hills with such a girlfriend.
No offence dear, but you need to get real.

August 28, 2018 at 1:27 am #718501 Reply

Raven

Gah… Put your phone down & go outside!!

August 28, 2018 at 4:33 am #718507 Reply

anon

I am very busy woman between a full time hectic career and raising two beautifull children. When I have time, I really just want to do something really mindless and relaxing, like playing with friends on facebook etc. I just want a break from having to speak to people and doing my best and just take a little break. The fastest way to get me to lose interest is to start bitching because i'm on facebook but not texting you. it has nothing to do with my feelings for you, but with me being tired and needing a break. soon enough i will be relaxed and then i'll be ready to text you

August 28, 2018 at 10:24 am #718551 Reply

Devil's Advocate

Amen Anon!!! Wish more people understood this simple concept and relationships would be a whole lot smoother!

January 23, 2019 at 3:46 pm #737129 Reply

daninayd

I guess you and the person you are texting with have a different dynamics of communication and priorities. For me personally this is a deal breaker. I expect a lot from a relationship but I give a lot.

If a person cares about you, you will be his top priority. It is simple as that. He will not tweet, he will text you back.

In the past, I have been in this situation to always have to check my phone if he would reply or not, until I met my husband who always makes sure that I am his top priority.

He is a physician and he is very busy with patients, but he knows that I feel restless, when I do not hear from him. Sometimes he just calls me for 5 seconds to tell me that he loves and he will try to catch up with me later. He never keeps me hanging.

I am so glad that I no longer have to deal with emotionally deficient people…

June 8, 2019 at 1:22 am #752862 Reply

Rose Roman

I googled this question and it led me here. Yes every scenarios are different. Like mine my bf and I barely text each other since we moved in together. But now he doesn't text at all but I see him active on social media. After confronting about it he said he hates texting and with his new business it is constant texting. But thinking about if he really loves me he would at least text once. But after a long night from work I come he always ask me how my day was and wants to talk about stuff. Stuff that he could have text me but prefers to hear it face to face. It was bothering me a lot but after speaking with him it doesn't matter much now if he doesn't.

June 8, 2019 at 4:52 am #752870 Reply

Louise

Rose, texting is for people who are trying to stay connected. You live together. You're plenty connected. I'd find it suffocating if someone I lived with was texting me all day – what are you going to talk about at night if you're getting live updates the whole time?!

June 26, 2019 at 3:43 pm #755048 Reply

Nicole

Let me tell you something, just because a man doesn't respond to you right away even when he is on social media doesn't mean he is any less interested in you. Unlike guys, girls sit and overanalyze things just because they can. When I was talking to this one guy(we had yet to be official which had made me nervous because I had automatically assumed he had been talking to another girl) I realized he hadn't responded to me in over two hours but his little snap map thing told me he had been on his phone only 2 minutes ago. I was going crazy over it, immediately jumping to the thought that he all of a sudden isn't interested in me. My friends would hear it from me and I would constantly hear from them to calm down and to stop overanalyzing. It's an automatic response that girls do but guys don't understand how it makes us feel. I don't think he's doing it to hurt you or having lost any interest in you, I think he may just have either not seen the notification or just didn't want to respond right away. Just relax and try not to make yourself crazy over it. yes sometimes the man does lose interest but majority of the time that isn't the reason they stopped replying and haven't replied in a few hours even if they are on their phone. Don't be so quick to jump to conclusions and realize that he's most likely not losing interest but instead just scrolling through social media and relaxing.

Why Is He on Facebook but Not Texting Me Back

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